Lullabies and Nightmares
by Jenny7
Summary: After her fathers death, Rachel falls further into drug addiction. Its up to one doctor to save her. Chapter 11 is up!
1. Default Chapter

Lullabies and Nightmares  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own ER or any of the characters used in this story. The song lyrics are from The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes". You gotta love The Who!  
  
Authors Note: This is another dark fic. =) I can't help that I like writing drama. Rachel delves deeper into the drug world and only one person can save her from utter destruction.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Rachel Greene inserted the needle into her arm and watched as the drug disappeared from the syringe. She felt the immediate relief as it flowed through her veins and closed her eyes in ecstasy. At that moment, she could think of nothing but the incredible feeling she was experiencing.   
  
Least of all her dead father.  
  
This was the only time that his memory didn't plague her thoughts. This was her only release from the pain and anger that normally flowed through her body. It was all she could do not to inject her entire stash into her blood. If this much felt this good, then all of it would make her feel good forever.   
  
And maybe she could see her father again.   
  
Scratch that thought. Now was her chance to be free. She fell back onto the carpet and smiled as her eyes closed. 


	2. Chapter One

Lullabies and Nightmares  
Part One  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"No one knows what it's like   
To be the bad man   
To be the sad man   
Behind blue eyes"   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Carter leaned his suddenly heavy head against his locker door and closed his eyes. It had been the day from hell. A school bus full of children had been hit by a drunk driver on his way to buy drugs. The children had been on their way to the museum for a fun day of dinosaur bones and cave men.   
  
Three of them had died.   
  
Telling their parents had been one of the hardest things Carter ever had to do. The looks on their faces when he'd said the words "I'm sorry" had crushed his soul. And as for the driver of the pick up truck that had killed them, he had a few scratches on his arms and head. He'd be fine by morning.   
  
So it goes.   
  
Sighing, he opened his locker door and removed the stethoscope from around his neck. Before putting it in its proper place, he studied it. He had not understood the utter responsibility he would carry when he took Mark's place as the most experienced doctor on staff. It was huge. He had to be the calm collected doctor. He had to be the shoulder for the others to cry on when tragedies like this touched their lives.   
  
He had to be the one to cover the bodies of the dead children.   
  
Lately he felt like he was drowning, with no life raft in sight. Kerry had been helpful. She offered her help all the time, and always asked him if he needed to take a break or if he wanted her to take over for awhile. Sometimes he took her up on her offer, but rarely. Mark had left him in charge. It was his duty. Who was he to step down from command when they needed him the most?   
  
He put the stethoscope away and pulled on his coat. Shutting his locker, he headed out. His shift was over for the day. They'd have to find somebody else to look to for help now. At least for a few selected hours. Now he was going home.   
  
When he got to his apartment and turned on the light, he was somewhat dissappointed. He wasn't sure what he had expected, but this wasn't it. It was a mess, and it was lonely. It was what he went home to every night. Yet every night he thought it would be different.   
  
Just goes to show where hope gets you.  
  
He dropped his back next to the couch and headed for the shower. After a quick five minutes he was out and eating stale macaroni and cheese at the kitchen table. It was the same kitchen table he'd bought months before, when he thought he wouldn't be alone forever. He'd imagined himself and his wife sitting at it together. They'd have children crowding the chairs around them, talking about their days at school or just fighting like he and Bobby used to do. And his wife, a beautiful dark haired woman with brown eyes and a slim face, would smile at him and tell the kids to finish their dinner.   
  
But that dark haired woman was not his. He'd scared her off with a simple kiss. Now they barely spoke. And he was alone again. At his kitchen table, meant for a happy family.   
  
After he finished his macaroni he headed for the living room. He watched a couple hours of game shows and old sitcom reruns before falling asleep in the chair, remote in hand. He wouldn't wake up till a few hours later, when it was time to save the world again.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"No one knows what it's like   
To be hated   
To be fated   
To telling only lies"   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Rachel bounded across the street to her usual spot. She checked her watch, an expensive gold one that her father had given her, and noticed that she was late again. She'd woken up with a splitting headache in need of something to help her through the night. AJ was her only contact anymore. He was her savior.   
  
She quickly scanned the area and noticed a figure in a long black coat heading away from her.   
  
Damn.   
  
She hurried after him, shouting the name frantically. He didn't stop walking until she reached him and grabbed his arm.   
  
"AJ wait, please!" She pleaded desperately. He turned and gave her an icy stare.   
"Ah, late again. Surprise surprise. What did I tell you last time?" He demanded. He grabbed her arm and tightened his grip until she winced. "What did I tell you bitch!"   
"I'm sorry I tried to be on time." She cried. "I'm sorry." She reached to her free wrist and unhooked the watch. She held it in the air near him. "Please AJ, can I have it?" She asked with tears shining in her eyes.   
  
He looked her up and down for a moment before responding. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small baggie.   
  
"Here." He placed it in her palm. "You owe me. Next time, I expect cash with interest." With that he walked off.   
  
She watched him until he turned the corner and then raced home. She headed straight for the dusty coffee table and poured the powder onto it. Taking out her usual straw, she placed it up her nose and took a much needed hit.   
  
It was instantainious. She felt the rush of cool relaxation travel throughout her body. She took another hit, and another. More and more until she couldn't feel anything anymore. Then the world went dark, and her head stopped swimming. Her breathing began to shallow, and her mind began to cry out in agony. The word help came to mind.   
  
"Help..." She was able to whisper before blacking out completely.   
  
Sounds of frantic voices and machines beeping stormed through her head. She felt something being pushed down her throat and pins pricking at her arms. One voice stood out in all of them though. One voice she recognized from the time she was a child. It was a male voice, a friend of her dad's.   
  
"Rachel this is Carter, can you hear me Rachel?"   
  
  
TBC 


	3. Chapter Two

Lullabies and Nightmares  
  
Part Two  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"I have hours, only lonely   
My love is vengeance   
That's never free"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
He couldn't believe it when Helah had told him.   
  
"Carter you'd better get out here." She'd looked at him seriously.   
  
"Just a minute..." He'd replied. He was just finished treating an infected cut on a young boy's leg.   
"No, now." She demanded. When he looked up he saw a look of determination in her eyes. He excused himself from the patient and follow Helah out into the hallway.   
  
"What is it Helah? I was almost finished..."   
  
"We have a critical OD." She interrupted. He removed his gloves and followed her towards Trauma One.   
  
"Isn't Susan around?" He asked.   
  
"She's working on the patient." She paused. "Its Rachel Greene."   
  
His mind had frozen in place. Rachel Greene. Mark's eldest daughter. The little girl who'd always come into the ER when he was a student and played in the lounge while her father saved lives. That Rachel Greene. It couldn't be.   
  
But it was. When he entered the room he saw her. Her hair was shorter then it had been at the funeral. It was also dirty, and she was very thin.   
  
He hurried towards the table and met Susan's eyes. "What is it?" He asked.   
  
"The girl who dropped her off said there was cocaine on the table next to where she found her. We did a tox screen to make sure."   
  
"Dropped her off?" Carter asked. Susan seemed on the verge of tears.   
"The girl said she couldn't stay. That she had to leave before the cops came."   
  
He put on his gloves and proceeded to check for any signs of life. He lifted her eyes and peered into motionless eyes.   
  
"Rachel its Carter can you hear me? Rachel?" He asked, but there was no response.   
  
He began to check her reflexes as Susan treated her with the proper drugs. Deb came rushing in moments later.   
  
"Tox screen's back. Looks like cocaine and alcohol."   
  
"OK lets pump her stomach." Carter ordered, and looked up to catch eyes with Abby Lockhart. "Find some tubing."   
  
They hurriedly worked to revive the girl that had once been a part of their tight knit family.   
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
But my dreams   
They aren't as empty   
As my conscience seems to be  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Rachel awoke to the sounds of machines beeping and people talking nearby. She struggled to open her eyes, but felt so tired. She pushed her mind to remember anything about where she was and why she was there.   
  
Finally, she was able to open her eyes to the blurry images of a hospital. Not just a hospital. It was her father's hospital. County General Hospital.   
  
She hadn't been here since before he'd died.   
  
But she wasn't just visiting this time. She was in a bed wearing nothing but a hospital gown covered with a thin sheet. There were tubes sticking out of her arms and machines pumping some mysterious liquid into her veins.   
  
She was reminded of the needles and drugs. Her best friends. But she doubted the liquid in the IV bags would make her feel like the drugs could. Nothing could make her feel that good ever again.   
  
Suddenly a panic hit her. She couldn't get drugs here, and she needed them. She needed them now. She had to get out of here somehow.   
  
She sat up quickly and felt the room spinning around her. She pushed through it however and gave herself a minute to distinguish between the ceiling and floor. She reached to her arm and pulled the IV's out. The machine made a last beeping sound and then stopped. She sat on the edge of the bed and examined her gown. It was covered in some black substance.   
  
She flashed back to a time in her past. She had been young, four or five. She'd watched through a window in the swinging doors as her father worked on a patient. She remembered how she'd thought he was such a hero back then. There was nobody more courageous then her daddy. The patient had been a woman, young but still very old by Rachel's standards. She'd watched as her father had put something down her throat, and remembered the gagging feeling she'd experienced when the black liquid had come back out of her mouth. Daddy had told her later that the woman had made herself sick by taking too much candy, and they'd had to get the candy out of her stomach.   
  
So she'd made herself sick by taking too much "candy". She thought of the numerous bottles of liquor she'd drunk before snorting the coke. She must have been lucky to make it to AJ at all. No wonder she'd woken up late.   
  
A thought occurred to her suddenly. What did they do with the coke? What if they threw it away when they came and got her? She didn't have any more money, and she certainly couldn't get any from her mom in St. Louis. Elizabeth wouldn't give her money. She'd have to find something to sell, but she'd sold almost everything just to pay the small fee for the motel room that she now called home.   
  
She found her clothes under the bed in a bag and quickly changed into them. She was just about to leave when she ran straight into a doctor from her past.   
  
"Rachel? Where are you going?"   
  
  
TBC 


	4. Chapter Three

Lullabies and Nightmares  
Part 3  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When my fist clenches,   
crack it open   
Before I use it and lose my cool   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Once again, the infamous pop machine had eaten his change. Angrily, he punched the button for a Coke continuous with no results. Finally, his frustration reaching a peak, he kicked the machine so hard that several of the patients in the chairs nearby turned to stare at the crazy man fighting with the pop machine.   
  
"Damn son of a..." He began cursing. He was just about to find the paddles to shock the machine into submission when he felt a hand on his shoulder.   
  
"Easy Carter. What did it do to you?" He turned to see Abby Lockhart staring back at him. He caught his breathe and fought to regain his composure.   
  
"Damn machine." He continued, only calmer this time. "You know it never worked for me in eight years." Abby smiled wryly, but averted her eyes from his.   
  
"They can invent machines to take the place of the human heart, yet they can't find a way to make a pop machine work right." She joked. Taking out a couple of quarters she inserted them into the slot.   
  
Minutes later the machine spit out a Diet Coke for her. Carter just looked stunned.   
  
"What can I say? I have the touch." She replied to his silent question.   
  
'That you do.' He thought, but restrained himself from saying it. Abby didn't like him in that way. She'd made that perfectly clear. So why couldn't he accept that?   
  
"Carter? Earth the Carter..." He broke out of his daze to see Abby waving a hand in from of his face.   
He shook his head. "Sorry. What were you saying?"   
  
"I asked if anybody called Elizabeth or Jen yet." She paused. "For Rachel." He shook his head again.   
"No. As far as we knew Rachel had been living with Jen. And Elizabeth is back in England working with her father. I have Malik working on finding their numbers, I just thought we should give Rachel some time alone before bombarding her with visitors."   
  
"Are you sure that's wise?" Abby asked, head cocked. "What if she runs?"   
"Runs?"   
  
"Yea, leaves AMA." Abby looked down, as if in shame. "She's a drug addict Carter. When she wakes up she's going to need a fix."   
  
A look of realization crossed his face and he stood from the chair he'd seated himself in. "I'll see you later Abby." He ran off towards the elevators.   
  
He didn't hear the sound of the pop can dropping in the machine. Abby picked up the can of Coke and studied his retreating form before shrugging and walking off.   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When I smile,   
tell me some bad news   
Before I laugh and act like a fool  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
  
"Rachel? Where are you going?"   
  
She froze in place and studied the person standing in the doorway. She hadn't seen him since the funeral, and had been surprised even then at the incredible change in him. He wasn't the clumsy bumbling doctor she'd known as a child anymore. Of course, she wasn't a child anymore either.   
  
"Away." She replied and started to push past him. He stood in her way and managed to maneuver himself inside enough to close the door. "What are you doing?"   
  
"Saving your life." He replied. She rolled her eyes and glared at the tall man.   
"Why does everybody want to save me? I don't need saving!" She started for the door again but felt his hands close around her arms.   
  
"Rachel your a drug addict! Your leaving to go to find a hit right now. You obviously can't save yourself."   
  
She pulled back from his grip and backed towards the bed. She could feel her hands beginning to shake and her mouth was quickly becoming dry. She needed something fast.   
  
"Leave me alone! Why do you even care?" She screamed back at him. Screaming was the only thing that could somewhat calm her cravings.   
  
"I care because your father was good to me. He was a very good friend of mine and he would want me to help you. I care because I can't stand by and watch you kill yourself."   
  
"Oh I get it! You want to be the big hero and save the poor little junky! Well I'll save you the trouble. I'm a lost cause! So you can get your gold star for trying but I'm out of here." She pushed past him and started for the door.   
  
"What's his name?" Carter called after her. She turned and rolled her eyes.   
"What?!"   
"What's your dealers name? Maybe I know him. I know a lot of people in that business. Can get you some great discounts." He said calmly as he sat down on the bed. He crossed his arms and stared up at the frail girl.   
  
"What are you talking about?" She asked, a look of curiosity on her face.   
"You know what I'm talking about." He leaned back slightly on the bed and narrowed his eyes at her in a challenge. She slowly made her way closer to the bed, but not obviously. With each step forward she took another two back.   
  
"You do drugs?" She asked in a voice so low it was almost a whisper.   
"Used to." She made a circle around the room and ended up back by the door.   
"What did you do?"   
"A little of everything. Mostly fentynol, morphine. Whatever I could get my hands on around here. What about you?"   
  
She paced the room and chewed her bottom lip. She was becoming more nervous by the minute.   
  
"You can get drugs around here?"   
"I asked you a question." He replied immediately.   
"Everything. Mostly coke or horse. But I've tried other things." She paused and look him dead on. "Now answer my question."   
  
"Its a hospital. The only place with more drugs is a police evidence locker." He kept her eyes and refused to let her look away.   
  
She was looking more hungry by the minute. She played with her fingers and a sweat was starting to break out on her forehead.   
  
"Can you get me some?" She moved towards him more deliberately now. She held his stare and licked her lips. "I'll pay you back. I'll do anything." She reached out and ran her hand down his arm.   
  
Carter didn't budge, not willing to break the eye contact. "Is this what you do on the streets to get drugs. Sleep around." She suddenly broke the contact and walked to the other side of the room. She turned around with a look of rage in her eyes.   
  
"I'm not a whore!" She screamed. Carter threw up his hands in submission.   
"I didn't say you were. I just asked a question."   
  
She swallowed thickly and began chewing her lip again. "Sometimes. I have to. I don't have a lot of money. Its easier then trying to keep a job."   
  
"Easier now maybe. Its not safe though. Do you use protection?" He quizzed. She turned back to him and grew angry again.   
"Of course! I don't want a kid right now."   
  
"I'm not just talking about pregnancy. Your dad was a doctor, you know about AIDS and STD's."   
  
"Why are you giving me a lecture on safe sex?" She threw up her hands. "You know what, forget it. Can you get me the drugs or not?"   
  
Carter just shrugged. "I could. But I'd rather get you help."   
  
"I don't want help! I'm outta here." She turned towards the door but Carter stood and stopped her.   
  
"Here." He handed her a bag. "There's some clean needles, condoms, and my phone number. Use them. Especially the last one."   
  
She held his gaze a moment longer and then disappeared out the door.   
  
Carter just leaned back on the bed, hands behind his head, and sighed.   
  
  
TBC 


	5. Chapter Four

Lullabies and Nightmares  
Part Four  
  
  
Authors Note: Thanks for all the great reviews! They're my favorite part of writing fan fiction. =) That and the actual writing of course. Hell, I like every part of it. Oh, this part is rated R because of implied violence. Please continue reading and reviewing!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
No one knows what it's like   
To feel these feelings   
Like I do And I blame you  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
The room was small and cheap. There were cheesy paintings of sunsets and beautiful forests covering the aged white paint on the walls and the bed spread felt as course as sand paper. The pillows were small and barely worth the effort of fluffing. The only other furniture in the room was a long dresser with drawers, bare except for a copy of the Holy Bible and a phone book for the area.   
  
It was the best motel around for sixty dollars a night, and Rachel could barely afford that. But it was shelter from the cold weather and a place to keep the few belongings she'd managed to take with her from St. Louis. These consisted of a few pairs of jeans, shirts, and her walkman containing her favorite Linkin Park CD.   
  
Then of course she'd taken her watch, the one her father had given her so long ago. But that was gone now.  
  
But she still had the pearls. She'd managed to hold onto them for this long without trading them for a couple hits of coke. They were her most special possession. They were the pearls her father had given her only two years before, and she carried them with her everywhere.   
  
Now here she was. Sitting next to the small table, a syringe filled with heroin in her hand. It was as easy as inserting the needle and pushing now. Then she could escape forever. Then she could forget about the pearls and her father and the one doctor who had even tried to save her today.   
  
Save her in the way she needed to be anyway.   
  
She remembered the look on his face when he'd handed her the bag. He hadn't given up on her like everyone else. He'd merely paused in his pursuit. Only a few feet away was the bag containing the condoms and the scrap of paper with the phone number and name: John Carter. He'd said for her to call him. He'd said he would help her.   
  
But what was she thinking. There was no help for her. She'd seen enough junkies in her days of visiting her dad at the hospital. They'd come in and get clean, then they'd be back in the ER two days later for treatment of an overdose. She'd vowed many times as a child that she would never be one of those people. Even when she'd started smoking pot and doing ecstasy she'd insisted that she had it under control. Then she'd met AJ, and everything changed.   
  
So here she again. A syringe full of heroin and a belt around her arm. She felt the depression and fear hanging over her head and she knew it was time to escape. She put the pearl necklace around her neck and plunged the needle into her skin.   
  
The next few minutes went in slow motion, or were they hours? She remembered the needle dropping from her hand, herself falling back against the bed. She remembered the loud knocking at the door. Where was the door? She couldn't tell anymore. Soon there was somebody in the room. There was yelling, shouting. Somebody grabbed her arm and pulled her away from her comfort spot. But all that mattered right now was the feeling of drugs pouring through her veins.   
  
Through the haze she could make out a few words.   
  
Whore. Slut. Pay back.  
  
Then she felt hands on her body and the feeling of pain as her world faded to black and red.   
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
No one bites back as hard   
On their anger   
None of my pain and woe   
Can show through   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
He jumped up from the bed with a start and shivers wracked his body. Feelings of pain and fear subsided as he took in his surroundings. He was in bed, alone. His bedroom was dark, but familiar. He took a deep breath and wiped the sweat from his forehead.   
  
He continued to shiver. It was then he noticed that his entire body was in fact soaked in perspiration. He sighed and slowly moved out of bed. He paused on the edge for a moment, holding his face in his hands.   
  
The images were still there. So real. It was like it was happening all over again. She was there again. She had that smile on her face that she always had when she'd come into his room at night. She'd sit on the edge of the bed first, waiting for him to wake from a sound sleep. Then she'd slowly begin touching him, kissing him. He hated it. The nausea was unbearable.   
  
Then of course she'd straddle him and proceed in her usual activities. He'd count the minutes until it was over, until he could go back to sleep and pretend that it was all just a bad dream.   
  
Shaking the painful memories out of his head, Carter headed for the bathroom. He removed his shirt and began looking for a clean dry one to replace it with. He bent down to check the hamper and sorted through the various unwashed items. It was then he caught a glimpse of them in the mirror.   
  
The scars on his back. They never left him, always haunting him.   
  
He turned quickly and grabbed the first t-shirt he could find. He slipped it over his head and headed out to the kitchen.   
  
He opened the refrigerator and sorted through the items until he found the milk carton. He removed it and drank straight from the spout. There was no reason to use a glass, no one else drank it. He wiped his mouth with his hand and set the milk back in its proper spot.   
  
He moved to the kitchen table and sat on the edge. He chewed his lip as he stared pointlessly at an empty wall straight ahead. The wall was like a canvas, and he could picture his entire life being painted on it. He saw his childhood, med school, his residency, his graduation, all the way to the present. To that afternoon, with Rachel.   
  
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could only imagine where the young girl was now. Wherever she was he was sure she was stoned. That's where he would have been a few years back. Now he was sober, and it wasn't that he wasn't proud, but he wasn't happy either. Sobriety doesn't bring happiness. It brings a chance for change and improvement. It brings life back, but it doesn't mean it will be a happy life.   
  
This was not something he'd learned in AA or Atlanta. This was something he'd learned on his own, a life lesson.   
  
Life can be bad with or without drugs and alcohol. It wasn't something his sponsors would like to hear from him, but it was the cold hard truth. It was a truth that made him believe that Rachel had a hard road ahead of her, if she even stepped onto the road that is.   
  
It was his job to point her in the direction of the road. It was her job to follow it. But he wasn't finished giving directions just yet. Her mother and Elizabeth may have given up on her, but he hadn't. He didn't intend to either. Mark Greene never gave up on somebody he loved. If it weren't for Mark Greene, Carter knew he would have been dead long ago. He never would have found the road.   
  
He swallowed and started back towards the bedroom. He stopped and the doorway and stared at the bed before him. He couldn't sleep there. Not tonight. The creaking and position brought back too many bag memories, nightmares. The couch would do until he could move the bed to another wall. Maybe he could face it away from the door. His bed at home had always faced towards the door. Maybe that would help him sleep. Maybe.   
  
He took some blankets and pillows and headed for the couch.   
  
  
  
TBC 


	6. Chapter Five

Lullabies and Nightmares  
Part Five  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
But my dreams   
They aren't as empty   
As my conscience seems to be   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
She scrubbed hard. Twenty times over every inch of her dirty filthy skin. The blood was gone, but the bleeding continued; evident only by the faded red puddle near the shower drain below her legs. The cheap washcloth, compliments of the cheap motel, was now ragged and stained red. A few spots were wearing thin and holes were beginning to appear. But Rachel didn't care. She just had to keep scrubbing. She just had to get rid of the filth.   
  
The worst part was that she could barely remember it happening at all. Or maybe that was for the better.  
  
She'd been too stoned to care what was going on. The loud sounds, voices, rough touches, all played a backdrop to her world of hazy spinning walls and pleasant euphoria. But the experience had been anything but pleasant.   
  
Rachel had woken up with the sun in her eyes and somebody knocking hard at the door. At first she could barely tell what was real and what was part of the drug-induced fantasy in her head. Then the voice became familiar. It was her landlord.   
  
"Open up! I know you're in there. If you don't get out here and pay your bill I'm calling the cops!"   
  
She touched her aching head with her hand and moaned. Slowly reality sank in. In the real world bills needed to be paid, laws obeyed...and dealers appeased. In the real world pain and loss existed. She was back in the real world again, and the pain was sorely evident.   
  
She slowly stood, with the help of the bed, and felt her way along the wall towards the door.   
  
"I'm coming!" She yelled, but she found that her voice was only a squeaky whisper. She took her free hand from her head and covered her mouth with it. Her eyes widened in shock. What was wrong with her? Where was this pain coming from? She needed a hit, bad.   
  
After much effort, she made her way to the door. She leaned against the wall for support and slowly unleashed the chain from the lock attached to the wall. She turned the dead bolt and pulled the door open. Outside stood the tall husky man with red angry cheeks and muscles. He was in his sixties, but old age had not treated him well.   
  
"What the hell happened to you?" He said, eyes wide. Rachel just looked back and forth and wondered at his surprise. "You'd better not be getting blood all over my carpeting!"   
  
Blood? What blood?   
  
She looked down and noticed for the first time, that her clothes were torn apart. Her shirt was hanging loosely off her shoulders and her bra was plainly showing. She was no wearing pants, only the long shirt she wore covered her lower regions.   
  
And there was blood. Lots of it. Her white shirt was covered in it and there were large streams running down her bare legs to her feet.   
  
Mesmerized by the blood, she reached down and touched the stream with her fingertips. She brought it back up and watched as it slid down her finger. It was still very warm. Then she noticed something else mixed with the blood.   
  
"Hey kid, you want me to call the cops or somethin'?" The old man asked her. Suddenly his eyes were less angry, and he seemed to show a small amount of sympathetic compassion.   
  
"W...what?" She raised he head suddenly and coiled at the pain. "No, no I'm fine." She pushed herself to the nightstand drawer and pulled out a credit card. She limped back to the doorway and thrust the card at his face. "Here. Take whatever you need. Just don't tell anybody about this."   
  
She slammed the door in his face and leaned against it. Slowly, she slid down to the floor and winced painfully as she reached the ground. Even the slight pressure of carpet sent crippling sensations up her body. But she didn't cry. Rachel hadn't cried since the day her father had died. She vowed never to cry again.   
  
But it hurt so bad. She felt so dirty.   
  
'That's it. I'll clean myself up. Then it'll be better. I'll be fine.' She crawled on her hands and knees to the bathroom, leaving a vast blood trail behind her. She reached up to start the shower and crawled inside. She sat on the floor and let the icy water run over her. Slowly the blood and filth washed off, but the pain was still there.   
  
So she picked up the washcloth and scrubbed.   
  
Two hours later found Rachel lying in a fetal position on the sand paper comforter. In one hand was a straw, which she'd used to snort cocaine just moments before. In the other hand was a handful of pearls, which she'd picked one by one off the bloody floor. The string that once held them had disappeared. She also clutched a tattered piece of paper with a phone number and a name: John Carter.   
  
This was how the police found her three hours later.   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I have hours, only lonely   
My love is vengeance   
That's never free   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Carter watched as the teenage boy was taken away by the police. A drug dealer and a gang banger, the boy had been shot in the arm. They'd fixed him up quickly enough and shipped him off to the local jail. Now all that was left was a dead toddler, shot with a stray bullet, and his injured but much alive father. The father had been the target.   
  
So it goes.   
  
He was just about to find Susan and suggest some Doc Magoo's for lunch, when Chuny tapped him on the shoulder.   
  
"Hey Carter. There's a police officer who wants to talk to you." She gestured to a rather large man wearing a police uniform, who at the moment was hitting on a young patient.   
  
"Knew I shouldn't have stolen that cable." John joked and half smiled. Chuny grinned.   
  
"He didn't say what it was about, but I think its more serious then faulty wiring." Carter frowned. He had a bad feeling about this. One person came to mind, but it couldn't be. Then he stopped himself. Of course it could be. Rachel was on drugs, anything could happen when you were on drugs. He of all people knew that. He braced himself and strode towards the cop.   
  
He cleared his throat as he approached and the man smiled at the patient one last time before meeting him half way.   
  
"Dr. John Carter?" He asked. His voice was thick and accented.   
"That's what the ID says." He pointed to his name tag. "What's this about?"   
  
The man looked perturbed, and casually glanced around the room. Patients and doctors hustled about, but it was just a normal day at County General.   
  
"Perhaps maybe we could discuss this in a more private setting?" He gestured around them. Carter shrugged.   
"Sure. I was just about to go across the street to get some lunch. You can join me. They have great coffee." He said casually. It was safer this way, for now. Just until he knew what this was really all about.   
  
They reached Doc Magoo's and Carter ordered his usual black coffee and egg's benedict. The police officer just had coffee, black.   
  
After their drinks were poured, Carter spoke. "I didn't catch your name."   
  
"I'm sorry, I'm officer Andy Wilkins with the Chicago Police Department. We've been looking for you all morning Dr. Carter."   
  
"Is that so? What's this about?" He questioned. He set his hands in front of him and listened intently. The officer cleared his throat.   
  
"This morning our department got called to a local motel by the manager. He had a young girl there who appeared to be beaten very badly." Carter held his breath. He knew what was next. "When we arrived on the scene the girl had ingested a fair amount of cocaine and was bleeding very badly. Next to her we found a scrap of paper with your name and number written on it."   
  
Carter licked his lips and nodded. "How is she?"   
  
"We transported her to Mercy Hospital. She's being treated there, however we don't have any ID on her."   
  
Just then the waiter came by with the plate of food and the silence was deafening. Finally, Carter spoke up.   
  
"What were her injuries?"   
  
"Well that information is confidential unless you can tell us..." He began, but Carter interrupted.   
  
"Rachel. Her name is Rachel Greene. What were her injuries?"   
  
"I see...and how do you know this girl?" The officer replied. Carter became irritated and pulled out his wallet. He set a twenty dollar bill down on the table and started for the door. "Dr. Carter?" The officer chased after him.   
  
"If you have any questions I suggest you get in your car and follow me to Mercy Hospital."   
  
  
  
TBC 


	7. Chapter Six

Lullabies and Nightmares  
Part 6  
  
Authors Note: So sorry for the delay! =/ I started classes on Monday so I haven't had much time. You can also blame my boyfriend if you'd like, he never lets me stay home and write anymore. =P Anyway, here is the next part. The slashes indicate the beginning and end of a dream sequence. I hope you like it!   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When my fist clenches,   
crack it open   
Before I use it and lose my cool   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
The time was one thirty when Carter finally got to Mercy Hospital. The cop had followed him the whole way, giving him dirty looks and motioning for him to pull over every time they stopped at a red light. Of course he had ignored him, pretending to play with the radio or just staring straight ahead. Truthfully, he'd spent most of the ride deep in thought and fearful of what he would find when he walked into Rachel's hospital room.   
  
Now was the moment he'd been dreading, yet running towards, the whole ride. He was standing outside of Rachel's hospital room and bracing himself for what he would find. Minutes before he had run into the hospital and demanded that they show him where his "daughter" was. Yes, it was a slight fib on his part but it was a better chance that he would be able to see Rachel and assess her for himself. It also kept the officer away for the time being. He couldn't explain this sudden protective nature that had come over him. Perhaps it was because he felt he owed Mark Greene. The man had been his mentor and his friend. But what had Carter ever done for him? There was just nothing that could compare.   
  
All he knew was that he had to watch out for Rachel. She was all alone in the world now, just like he was. Mark would want him to help her. He just knew it.   
  
"Excuse me sir?" Carter turned to come face to face with a tall handsome doctor. The man extended his hand and Carter accepted politely. "I'm Dr. Hardgrove. Are you the father?" He gestured towards the girl in the bed.   
  
Carter chewed his lip and nodded. "Yep, uh, yes I am, John Carter. I'm also a doctor."   
  
"Really?" The man looked surprised. "That makes my job somewhat easier." He smiled and Carter just nodded.   
  
"What are the extent of her injuries?" Carter asked. He stood straight and tall.   
"Your daughter has been beaten very badly. Her left arm is fractured in two places, and two of her ribs are broken. We did a tox screen and found large amounts of cocaine in her blood stream."   
  
Carter took a deep breathe and let it out. "Anything else?"   
  
The man stepped back and forth. "Well she has bruises and scrapes over virtually every part of her body..."  
  
"Anything besides bruises and scrapes?" Carter persisted. He had to ask the question. He had to know. He spoke in a lower pained tone while staring at the far wall. "Was she raped?"   
  
The doctor took a moment to answer. "It appears that she may have been. We used a rape kit but the results aren't back yet. They should be in within the hour."   
  
Carter's world froze. The worst possible thing he could imagine had come true. Bruises and broken bones were easily fixed. All he had to do was slap a cast on or apply some ice. Those injuries healed. But rape was another story. The pain that being raped caused never went away. He knew this all too well.   
  
He swallowed thickly and blinked his eyes to push back the memories. "Right. Well thanks. I'm going to go see her."   
  
He opened the door and walked into the room.   
  
Inside he found a young girl in a lot of pain. She was asleep at the moment, thanks to the sedation it had taken to calm her down, and the IV's were dripping saline and antibiotics into her blood stream. Her face was completely black and blue. He could barely recognize her small features. Her eyes, Marks eyes, were completely swollen and bruised. Her arm was resting in a splint at the moment until the staff could get around to putting a cast on it.   
  
He cautiously approached the bed and reached his hand towards her. He stopped a few inches short, afraid of hurting the poor girl. It was then, when he was close up, that he noticed the blood on the sheet. They were very small stains, but still fresh. It was coming from her groin area.   
  
He turned away and faced the window. He couldn't bare to look. He hadn't felt this much hatred since the day he'd found out that Lucy had died. He hadn't hated a person so much since he'd last seen Paul Sobricki. It wasn't Rachel he hated, it was the people that did this to her. He swore on his med-students grave that he would not let them get away with this.   
  
Memories of his own childhood trauma raced through his head. They were still so vivid and clear after all these years. It was not something he'd ever forget. As he looked back at the face of his co-workers pride and joy, he knew that she would never forget this day for as long as she lived. It saddened him.   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When I smile, tell me some bad news   
Before I laugh and act like a fool   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
//She was walking on clouds and flying with the birds. She had conversations with her deceased grandparents and watched as her father continued to help people, even after his death. She was in heaven, and she was free. This time it wasn't the drugs that made her feel this way. This time it was just real. She could smile and not worry about what new development would turn it into a frown. She was happy, for the first time in a very long time.   
  
Next she found herself in the County General ER. She was young, four or five at the most. She wandered the hallways, searching for her father in the large crowd of people. There were so many of them, all of them sick. But her daddy could make anybody well again. He was a superhero who saved lives and barely even took any credit. His white coat was like his costume and the stethoscope his special power. To her there were no other doctors, only Dr. Greene. her daddy.   
  
She felt herself teleport into a different room. It was a green room. Daddy was yelling out orders left and right. Tubes and other tools were being passed from hand to hand over the table. Carol was there. She loved Carol's hair. It was so pretty. She wanted hair like that when she grew big. She watched Doug bound into the room and talk to daddy. She wished she could marry Doug. He was daddy's best friend. He always told the funniest jokes.   
  
Then there was Dr. Carter. He was nice and funny. She liked him. He treated her like a big girl. Not like a baby like most everybody else there. She loved when he would explain everything to her; like what the different tools did and why a person was sick. Not even daddy did that.   
  
Suddenly, she was somewhere else. It was dark and dirty. There were sick people everywhere, but it wasn't the hospital. This place was frightening. It was a cold dark building. She looked down and noticed that she was wearing nothing but a thin hospital gown. Pulling it closed behind her, she searched desperately for a way out. She jumped as something sharp poked into her bare foot. She picked up her foot and gasped in horror as a needle was hanging from her skin. She quickly pulled it out and threw it to the ground. But it wasn't the only one around. There were large piles of them everywhere. They weren't just on the floor. All of the sick people were holding them, inserting them into their arms.   
  
'Daddy?' She called into the darkness. She felt tears come to her eyes and she fought to hold them back.   
  
Suddenly she felt somebody grab her arm and pull her around. She lost her balance and fell into a pile of needles. She cried out in pain.   
  
"Give it up little girl! Your daddy's not here." The large ugly monster moved closer and grabbed her again by the arm. "But I am, and you owe me..."//  
  
  
She woke up screaming, and found herself in the arms of somebody. It was a man, and he was holding her close and trying to calm her down. He wasn't trying to hurt her. It had only been a dream.   
  
She opened her heavy eyes and looked straight into a pair of deep brown ones. There were tears in them, just like she was sure there were tears in her own. No words needed to be said. She fell back into the embrace and cried.  
  
  
TBC 


	8. Chapter Seven

Lullabies and Nightmares  
Part Seven  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
If I shiver, please give me a blanket   
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
The nightmares were always haunting her. Every time she closed her eyes she could feel his touch upon her. She could picture his rough hands and the look on his face. As the days wore on, she was able to remember more and more about that day. She remembered the eyes of the man she'd once called her savior. They were green and sparkling with rage and lust. No matter how hard she tried, she could not get those eyes out of her head.   
  
He was strong. So strong. As soon as he laid his hands upon her she was unable to move. In an instant she was immobilized. His large well toned body was on hers immediately. Although her entire memory of the incident was hazy, due to the drug, she could still remember the pain and agony that had torn through her as he violated her. The memory brought tears to her eyes every time.   
  
But she was hanging in there thanks to one person. The doctor from her past who had mysteriously become her new savior. She'd asked him several times why he was helping her. Why did he care? He never really gave a straight answer. It was always something like "I just do" or "why wouldn't I?".   
  
They did argue sometimes though. The most recent argument was over the fact that she wasn't finishing her disgusting hospital meals. Was it her fault that hospitals hired random people off the street to do their cooking? She'd already lost count of the numerous hairs she'd found in her food and water glass.   
  
And the nurses wondered why she didn't have an appetite.   
  
She was just waking up from a small doze when Carter walked into the room. He was holding something behind his back.   
  
"Hey Rach. Did I wake you up?" Carter asked. He set whatever it was he was hiding down on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed. She rolled her eyes.   
  
"Of course you did. Is there anything else to do here except sleep?" She focused on the blanket covering her frail body and picked at a loose thread.   
  
"You'll be out of here soon enough. You should take the time to rest up. The doctors will want you active as soon as your out of here anyway. Take my word for it, enjoy it while you can." His voice had the usual sarcastic tone to it.   
  
"Why do you do that to your patients?" Rachel asked. Suddenly he seemed a bit uncomfortable, and gazed out the window. He slid his hands into his pockets and rocked back and forth. The he turned and faced her again.   
  
"If you mean do I torture my patients and force them to push my car to work when it stalls no. I do give the recommended treatments though. Sometimes physical therapy is part of that."   
  
"Whatever." She rolled her eyes. She knew he was hiding something. He was the worst liar she'd ever met. But she wasn't willing to push him just yet. She was smart enough not to push away her only ally.   
  
He strolled over to the bed and sat back down. "So, I hear you didn't eat lunch again today." He smirked. She hated that smirk. It made her want to punch him sometimes.   
  
"Your point being..." She began.   
  
"Well, I just thought you might be a little hungry..." He held up the bag he'd brought in. The side read the name of her favorite restaurant. "But if you'd rather starve yourself..."  
  
Her head shot up and she held back a wince as pain struck her. The site was not lost on Carter though and his expression turned serious.   
  
"Rachel..." He began, walking towards her.   
  
"Your going to let me have real food? What happened to 'a strict diet is important when your body is healing'?" She repeated, ignoring his concern. He seemed to take the bait.   
  
"Well, rules can be broke every now and then." He shrugged and handed her the bag. She reached in and pulled out a veggie burger and salad. She smiled as much as her bruised face would allow.   
  
"I don't eat meat." She stated.   
"I'm aware. I assure you that burger's purely of the vegetable family. No dead cows right?" He winked and she held back laughter. The first real laughter she'd experienced in a long time.   
  
"Right." She replied, and began eating the food. Carter walked over to the window and began looking out again. He got a faraway look on his face, and Rachel studied him for a moment. She didn't remember her father saying much about Carter in the last few years of his life. She wondered what it was he thought about when he zoned out. She as sure it wasn't pleasant though. It never was when you zoned out like that. She knew from experience.   
  
She took another bite of her food and continued watching him.   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
If I swallow anything evil  
Put your finger down my throat  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Looking out at the city street, Carter began to lose himself in his thoughts. Rachel seemed better. At least better then she had been the night before. She talked a bit more, granted it was usually when they were arguing about one thing or another. Still, she seemed to be returning to the old Rachel again.   
  
But still there was the drug problem. The hospital had her on a strict dose of morphine every few hours so her body hadn't had a chance to withdraw from the reckless drug use. When she got home, it would be another story all together.   
  
He had to be prepared. Wet wash clothes. Easy bathroom access. Cold showers. Compozine. Soup for when she was feeling better. And locks on the doors to make sure she couldn't get out and run back to her dealer.   
  
He was reminded of Chase and the days he'd spend detoxing his cousin in his apartment. It hadn't worked. He had to face the possibility that it wouldn't work with Rachel either. But he couldn't let that happen. Not to Mark's daughter. She had too much potential. She wasn't like the other junkies on the streets. She had a mother to go home too, two actually. She had a baby sister to watch over. Rachel had a purpose. She just had to figure out what it was.   
  
He'd been on both sides of the situation. He'd been the doctor and caregiver to his cousin Chase. He'd also been the junky going through withdrawal. He knew how bad it could, and often did, get. Rachel was addicted to heroin and cocaine. Two of the worst drugs to get off of.   
  
There was always rapid detox. The same procedure Doug Ross had gotten in trouble for years before. It was still in use at some hospitals. He considered getting Rachel into one of those programs. It would be easier, true. But in the long run, would it work? There was no way to be certain.   
  
The whole situation was touch and go. But he had to do something. Rachel, as far as he was concerned, was his responsibility. Mark had left the Emergency Department to him. It was the greatest honor ever bestowed upon him. He was determined not to fail. But Rachel was Mark's daughter. She had always been number one in his life, even before saving lives.   
  
Rachel was what Mark lived for.   
  
He couldn't fail. It would be the greatest betrayal of all. Rachel Greene was not just a random patient. She was somebody special who needed him. She needed him, even if she didn't want to admit it just yet.   
  
Maybe he needed her too.   
  
He turned back and noticed that Rachel had finished eating and fallen asleep. The nurse walked in, syringe in hand, and smiled at him. He watched as she injected the morphine into the IV bag and checked the patients vital signs.   
  
"How much longer is she going to be on the pain medication?" Carter asked the nurse.   
  
"You'll have to ask Dr. Hardgrove but I believe she'll be released tomorrow morning. After that we'll prescribe her something for home."   
  
"She's a drug addict you know. The last thing she needs is more drugs in her system." He countered gently. The nurse looked confused.   
  
"Well, with her injuries its standard procedure to administer pain control. If you'd rather we didn't..." She began.   
  
"No no its ok." He shook his head. "For now anyway. Tell Dr. Hardgrove I'd like to speak with him when he's free."   
  
"I'll do that. He'll be by shortly." The nurse left the room and Carter leaned against the window sill. He dropped his head against his back and sighed.   
  
This could quite possibly be the most difficult case he'd ever had to deal with.  
  
  
  
TBC 


	9. Chapter Eight- Withdrawal

Lullabies and Nightmares  
Part Eight  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
But my dreams they aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
The vomiting came in two minute intervals. The chills and sweating were constant and the fever wasn't breaking anytime soon. The nervousness was the worst though. For as long as she could remember she always felt nervous, but it was never as bad as this. She couldn't sit still, yet she couldn't move either. Every time she tried she ended up hunched over the toilet or curled up in a ball on the floor. The room would spin for a few minutes and next thing she knew she'd have soiled herself.   
  
So this was the withdrawal she'd always heard about. She'd seen it a few times while visiting her dad at the hospital. But it never seemed this bad. Just like a bad case of the flu, which she'd survived before. But this was scary. She wasn't sure she'd survive this. At least without something to get her through.   
  
Something of the narcotic family anyway.  
  
But Carter refused to let her have anything. She really hated him. She wanted him to leave her alone. Yet every time he did she ended up calling him right back. Pleading with him not to let her die alone. Because she was dying. It was the worst possible death she could imagine.   
  
"Shh...you're not dying..." Carter tried to reassure her for the twentieth time that afternoon. He placed a new washcloth on her forehead and smoothed her hair back.   
  
"Yes I am." She moaned. She grabbed his arm and squeezed tightly. "Please just kill me. Just make it stop!"   
  
Carter looked away for a moment. "I'm working on it. Just try to get some sleep Rachel." He turned and walked towards the kitchen area. She followed him with her eyes are far as she could and then finally closed them. The demons came out again, haunting and mocking her. They told her she was a bad person and not worthy of love or kindness like this man was giving her.   
  
Before she knew it she was screaming. Carter was back, holding her and trying to calm her. She fought against his hold with all the strength her body had, but eventually gave into it. She cried for another hour, asked him to kill her again, and finally fell asleep.   
  
Her dreams were filled with monsters and witches. They cackled and screamed in her head until she could barely take it. They pushed her back and forth and back again until she didn't know where she belonged anymore. She belonged no where, and no one wanted her. She had to face her life, and take the pain without a shield. It was the hardest thing she had ever done.   
  
Including watching her father die.   
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance that's never free  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
When Rachel finally fell asleep, Carter relaxed. He laid her down on the king sized bed and headed into the other room. He cleaned up the bathroom as best he could, tossing soiled wash clothes and towels into the hamper and washing the floor down a couple of times.   
  
Then he headed into the kitchen. He grabbed the dust pale and broom and knelt down on the floor. He proceeded to clean up the pile of glass that had once been a coffee mug. During one of her fits of anger Rachel had thrown the mug, full of tea, against the wall. She'd missed his head by two inches.   
  
Seemed Rachel hadn't inherited her fathers excellent aim.  
  
Once he had the pale completely filled he crawled over to the garbage can and dumped the mess inside. He then put the supplies back in their proper place and stopped. It occurred to him that he didn't know what to do now. There was nothing to clean up. There was nothing to wash or dry or refill or cook.   
  
He was completely useless.   
  
With this new realization at hand, he collapsed against the counter top. He tried holding back the tears, but failed. They streamed down onto the clean counter and soaked his sweater. He rubbed his hands across his face and head and tried to control himself. He had to stay in control. He was the only one in control now. Rachel needed him now more then ever before. He was convinced that he was the only one who could really help her.   
  
But what if he couldn't? What if once Rachel could walk and function again she ran straight for the streets? What if she went to find her dealer? He wasn't sure he could take it if she did. Yet, he knew the odds of it not happening and they were nothing to count on.   
  
He came to a conclusion the very moment the tears stopped. He was looking at his empty kitchen table, and came to a conclusion. He needed help. He didn't have to do this alone. Rachel needed him, but he needed somebody too.   
  
He picked up the phone and dialed a quick number. He waited until a familiar voice picked up.   
  
"Abby. Its Carter."  
"Carter? Are you ok?"   
"Yea...uh...yea I'm fine. I, uh, need you though. I need you to come over Abby."   
  
A moment of silence.  
  
"Carter...what's going on?"   
"Rachel Greene is at my apartment. I'm trying to detox her but I need some help. Could you please help me Abby?"   
"Rachel? Of course Carter. I'll leave right away."   
  
He hung up the phone and bit his lip. He hoped he had done the right thing. He hoped Rachel would trust Abby enough to let her help.   
  
His thoughts were broken by the intense screaming coming from the bedroom. He bolted down the hallway, praying that help would come soon.  
  
  
TBC 


	10. Chapter Nine- New Beginnings

Lullabies and Nightmares  
Part Nine: New Beginnings   
  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter uno (one for the non-spanish speakers out there!) And I've started with new song lyrics because...well I ran out of "Behind Blue Eyes" lyrics. =) This song is called "I Wanna Be There" by Blessed Union of Souls. I thought it fit well.   
  
Authors Note: I've decided to take this story in a new direction. All you Carby's out there will probably like it. =) Its going to go longer then I originally planned, but I can't argue with the muse. And the muse says this story is going where no story has ever gone before (OK so my muse stole that line! She's a Star Trek lover).   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Won't you let me catch your fall?  
Won't you let me lend a hand?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
She watched as he flipped the pancake round and round in the sizzling frying pan. He did it with such grace and agility.   
  
Just like her father used to.   
  
But this was Carter. The same bumbling mess of a doctor she had known as a child. Currently she was lying on his couch, head propped up on her hands, watching him cook dinner. Yes, pancakes for dinner. Who knew a guy like Carter, with all the money his family had, would eat pancakes for dinner?   
  
She'd been released from the hospital a week before and Carter had insisted she come home with him. Ever since the night she'd woken to find him at her bedside, he'd been there for her. She'd cried in his arms for an hour and half until her eyes were completely drained of all liquid. He'd cried too, but she didn't ask him why. He had his reasons.   
  
The withdrawal had been a nightmare. She'd never been so sick in all of her life. But Carter had been there, along with his girlfriend. They denied all accusations that they were in love, but Rachel could plainly see it. Abby glowed whenever she was around Carter or even heard his name mentioned. Carter did the same for Abby.   
  
Now they were giggling over who could do a better pancake flip. It was so cute Rachel had to smile. Yes, she smiled. For the first time in a very long time, Rachel Greene smiled a real smile.   
That smile was quickly interrupted though when an intense pain shot through her. She'd moved too quickly again. Tears formed behind her eyes but she held them back. The pain was so familiar now, but it brought back so many bad memories. Memories of the rape she had endured, or that she seemed to remember.   
  
Up until the day before she had insisted that it had all been a bad scary dream. She had imagined it, the product of too many drugs. It had to be. That was when Abby sat her down and hugged her tightly. Then she explained everything. Abby had a way of making her believe anything. If Abby said that pigs had learned to fly, Rachel was pretty sure she would dig out her telescope and search the sky for pink flying objects.   
  
The rape had been real. She knew that now. It hurt like hell, not just physically. It was worse then when her father had died, worse then the guilt she'd felt when Ella swallowed her ecstasy. It was a pain that dug itself so deep inside of her that nobody could understand. It was buried somewhere that she couldn't find. She wanted to run out into the streets and scream for somebody to help her find it and release it to the wind. But she couldn't. She had to deal with it.   
  
  
She wasn't a child anymore.  
  
She looked up when she felt a cool hand on her shoulder.   
"Hey Rach you wanna trying flipping a pancake. Carter thinks he's a pro and I could use a little help convincing him otherwise." Abby smiled down at her.   
  
"Maybe later. I'm still kind of tired." Rachel laid her head back down on the sofa and proceeded to flip through the TV channels another time. Abby just touched her on the head once before heading back to the kitchen.   
  
When Rachel was sure Abby was gone she raised her head. She watched as Carter and Abby playfully teased each other. Watching them was the one thing that could convince her that there was some good in the world. There was happiness and joy. There was love.   
  
Maybe, if she was lucky, she would find it someday. Maybe she could find a guy like Carter. Or at least somebody similar to him. Not somebody like AJ. At one point she was sure that what they had was love. How she believed she wasn't sure. It was probably the drugs. When your high you see rainbows and sunlight in every situation. Even one as bad as she had been stuck in.   
  
What Carter and Abby had was love. It was the real thing. There were so few people out there who actually experienced it. Her mother and father had not, at least not with each other. She knew her father loved Elizabeth, but was it real true passionate love? She wasn't sure. And her mother and step-father hadn't had the best relationship either. There had to be real love out there somewhere. Maybe Carter and Abby had found it.   
  
She smiled to herself and turned back to the TV. She fought to keep from closing her eyes. The nightmares would come again, but she'd hold them off as long as she could.   
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
These lonely eyes have seen it all  
Loves too blind to understand  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Carter laughed as Abby tried her best to flip the pancake without breaking it into a million pieces. Everything she did made him laugh, not at her but with her. It was when she was around that he realized what love really was.   
  
He was in love with Abby. She denied that the feeling was mutual though. It hurt like hell every time he thought about that day. It had taken every nerve in his body to get enough courage to kiss her. Then she'd pushed him away, denied him the one thing he'd wanted for so long. She'd said she needed time.   
  
It had been months.   
  
Now here she was, in his kitchen that he had cooked in alone so many times. She was helping him cook Rachel dinner. He wasn't sure what he would have done without her those last few nights. Rachel would wake up screaming and in tears, rushing to the bathroom or just kicking her feet in the air, trying to hit an enemy only she could see. Abby had been there with her. She'd watched out for her in every sense of the word. He'd never noticed that Abby had such a huge maternal side to her. She'd taken Rachel under her wing from the moment she'd laid eyes on her.   
  
Their relationship was the most natural that he had ever seen. They were already like mother and daughter.   
  
He was still worried though. Rachel had nightmares every night and she was still in a lot of physical pain from the rape and withdrawal. Her recovery would be a long one, but he vowed to be there for her every step of the way. Rachel was going to make it. He would see to it.   
  
He grinned as Abby showed him a pancake she had succeeded in flipping.   
  
"Now who's the pro?" He just shook his head.   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Cause you don't know what you have  
Till your everything is gone  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It'd been two days since Carter had called her over. She had returned home only once to pick up some clothing. At first she'd been unsure as to how to handle the situation. Rachel was very sick. She needed professional help, but Carter refused to take her to the hospital or to a rehab center. He wanted her detoxed at home.   
  
It was dangerous, but she'd done it before. Alcohol withdrawal wasn't as intense as heroin and cocaine withdrawal was, but it was one of the most difficult things she'd ever been through. She could only imagine what Rachel was going through, but she tried to empathize with the girl.   
  
She felt close to Rachel. Maybe it was their shared experience with addiction. That was one of the many reasons she felt close to Carter. Addiction was not something to be understood by anybody. Only those who hit bottom knew the exact meaning of the word. And although addiction left a hole in the addict for the rest of their lives, it also created a bond between them and all those who had gone through the same experience. It was a bond not to be broken easily.   
  
As with her and Carter. He'd said he loved her. She wanted so badly to tell him how she really felt, but it just wasn't the right time. Carter wanted marriage, kids, the whole package. Abby had tried to picture it. She wanted to see herself as a mother carting her children off to school in a blue mini van and making her husband dinner before he got home. It just wasn't her. It wasn't in her blood.   
  
She had to laugh at the thought of herself being part of a happy Brady Bunch type of family. She was the essence of dysfunction. She and her brother had grown up in a home with three kids; no adults allowed. Her mother was more likely to be coloring with them on the walls then cooking dinner or making them eat their vegetables. She would be kidding herself if she thought she knew what a real mother was supposed to be like.   
  
Carter needed a real wife. Unfortunately she didn't fit into that category.   
  
But Rachel needed somebody in her life right now. She needed people who cared about her and would take care of her. Mark would have wanted it that way. She knew Carter couldn't do it alone, despite the size of his heart. She had no choice but to stick around and help.   
  
  
TBC 


	11. Chapter Ten

Lullabies and Nightmares  
  
AN: Sorry for the incredibly huge delay! I've been extremely busy. But I do plan on continuing this fic if anyone still wants to hang around and read it. Sorry again for taking so long though. It won't happen again.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I wanna be there when you're feeling down.   
And I'll be there when your head is spinnin 'round.   
Gonna be your lover, gonna be your friend.   
I wanna be there til the end.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
"Carter! We have two GSW's coming in five. You and Susan take the first victim, Luka and I will take the second."   
  
Carter nodded in reply to Kerry's orders. He'd been so proud when he'd been officially named the Chief Resident at County. But the job didn't offer as many perks as he'd thought. Of course the hours were unfavorable, but he'd always known that. Getting bossed around by Kerry was another aspect of the job that he didn't care for. Kerry was great, outside of work at least. But being Attending had gone to her head.   
  
He missed Mark. No matter how much authority Mark possessed in any situation he always treated everybody equally. Carter remembered his first day, when he'd gotten sick during a particularly gory trauma. Mark had taken the time to follow him outside, and quite possibly save his career. At that point Carter had been convinced that he was not cut out to be a doctor. But Mark had reassured him, made him believe in his inner calling again.   
  
Carter smiled at the memory. Now Mark's daughter was at his apartment, asleep. He was worried about her. She didn't do much except sleep and occassionally eat when he or Abby forced her to. She smiled more now, but there was still a vacant space in her eyes. There was still something missing.   
  
The situation with Abby was another story. She and Rachel got along great. Rachel seemed to be able to relate to her. Occassionally Carter even felt left out when the "girls" would laugh about something men did or a womanly topic. But it was good for Rachel, and that was what mattered most.   
  
He and Abby seemed to be at a standstill. Clearly neither wanted to make the first move. He'd already tried that, and didn't feel like being knocked down again. If Abby wanted to be with him she would have to say something. He just hoped she knew this.   
  
"Having trouble signing in?" He turned to see Susan Lewis standing behind him. He realized that he'd been daydreaming while staring at the blank computer screen. He grinned and shook his head slightly.  
  
"Na, just a little brain freeze."   
  
"Maybe you should try wearing a hat, Carter."  
  
He froze at the thought. The strangest sense of De Ja Vu flashed through him.   
  
"What'd you say Susan?" He asked.   
  
"Wow, you really are out of it today." She gave him her trademark amused look.   
  
"No...uh yea I guess I am. Its just, Mark said that to me once, my first year here."   
  
"Strange." Susan commented after a moment.   
  
Just then a gurney burst through the ambulance bay doors. Paramedics were yelling orders left and right and Susan and Carter locked eyes.   
  
"Show time." Susan said and hurried over, Carter not far behind her.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I wanna be there when you're feeling high.   
I wanna be there when you wanna die.   
I'm gonna light your fire, I'm gonna feel your flame.   
I wanna be there when you go insane.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Rachel let her eyes wander over the pictures in the photo albums. Carter had stacks of them hidden in one of the closets in his apartment. Sure, she had been snooping. But she had nothing better to do and she was sure Carter wouldn't mind. She stumbled upon a page of recently photos. They were of the doctors and nurses in the ER where Carter worked. There was one of the funny desk clerk, Jerry, with a group of nurses all around him. He was holding a handful of mistletoe above his head, but only one nurse was puckered up. She laughed when she realized it was Malik.   
  
Then there was one with the red headed doctor and Carter together. From what she'd heard the two had been pretty close. They'd even lived together for a short time. She couldn't see how Carter would like someone like her though. Since she was a kid she'd never liked that doctor. She remembered that her dad used to say bad things about her too.   
  
The next picture made her freeze in place. It was a picture of her father and Susan Lewis together. She remembered Susan. No matter how hard she tried as a child, she could never dislike her. The woman was just too much fun. For a while she thought Susan was going to be her step-mother. In a way she wished it had happened that way. Her father could have found worse women then Elizabeth to marry, but they were never really in love.   
  
"Hey Rach. What's that?" Abby walked up from behind her and sat down. Abby had the day off. She and Carter had been altering days so that she wouldn't be alone as much. In a way, it was kind of annoying. But she understood. They had no reason to trust her. She didn't even trust herself. Especially at night, when the cravings were the worst.   
  
"Pictures. Um...I'm sorry I know I shouldn't have been snooping but..." She apologized quickly.  
"But you couldn't resist huh? I can't blame ya. I'm sure we can find a lot of useful stuff around here to torture Carter with. Oh, any naked baby pictures in here?" She moved to look through the book but stopped when she noticed the one picture of Mark.   
  
"I wish I could have spent more time with him before he died." Rachel said suddenly. She almost startled at the spontinaity of the comment. Abby's eyes widened for a second, but she didn't seem shocked.   
  
"It seems like there's never enough time to spend with the people you love." She paused. "And what time there is goes by too fast."   
  
"Let me guess...you're going to tell me that "thats life" and "get used to it"." Rachel replied.   
  
Abby just looked at her for a moment and smiled reassuringly.   
  
"No. That's what people have told me my whole life. I was going to say that you never get used to it. If something is painful and causes more pain then...anything else, you shouldn't let yourself get used to it. You should make it better or at least make yourself better. You shouldn't stop until you're happy."   
  
Rachel just stared in amazement at Abby. There was so much more there then she could ever have guessed.   
  
Abby shrugged and laughed uncomfortably. "But I'm not the one to listen to. I don't exactly have it together these days."   
  
Rachel reached out and touched Abby's hand kindly.   
  
"You will. Carter will help you like he helped me."   
  
Abby smiled back at her. "Well that's up to Carter."   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
You wouldn't know that I was there   
Cause I have been there all the time.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
The trauma room was in complete chaos. The patient was bleeding out and Carter had the privelage of being the one to find the brain matter in the man, no boys, hair. It didn't look good.   
  
"Carter should I get more o neg? We're almost out." Chuny looked to him for guidance. The hidden question had been posed. Now it was his time to decide.   
  
It was the moment of truth. Do you give up or continue the fight?   
  
He dropped his stethoscope from his ears and sighed.   
  
"No. That's it." He looked at the clock. "Time of death: 2:51."   
  
Chuny began to clean up, but Carter stopped her.   
  
"No that's ok. I'll do it." Seeing that he was serious, Chuny nodded and followed the other nurses out. Carter began the process of cleaning up the room.   
  
"Need some help?" He turned to see Susan . She was removing her bloody gloves.   
"If your up for it." He replied.   
"Its better then listening to Kerry brag about how she used the sternal saw to save her patient."   
"She's still talking about that? I thought by now she would have found a new toy to play with."   
"You know Kerry, when she finds something good she sinks her teeth in."   
  
Carter grimaced. "That brings up images I'd rather not thing about right now."  
  
Susan smiled. "Ugh, your right. Sorry." She helped him gather the instruments. "But speaking of finding something good...how are you and Abby doing?"   
  
Carter looked up and smiled. "Me and Abby? I don't think such a thing exists."   
"That's not what you said when we broke up." Susan replied. It was a comment that could have been bitter if not for the gracious smile.   
  
"Well that was different." Susan stopped at his reply.  
  
"How was that different?" His eyes widened.   
  
"Well, that was 'hopeful Carter'." He even stopped to emphasize the quotes with his fingers. "That Carter no longer exists." Susan just cocked her head in anticipation.   
  
"So what Carter are you currently?" She too used quotes. He smiled warmly.   
  
"Currently I am 'grown up Carter'. No more hoping and praying for things that just aren't going to happen. I'm not a kid anymore. I have people counting on me. I can't be living in a dream world."   
  
He stopped to really look at the kid on the table. "This is the real world. Death is reality."   
  
"Ouch. Since when did you become so cynical?" Susan questioned.   
  
"Used to be this way actually. Then after I moved away from home I loosened up a bit."   
  
Susan just nodded. She knew he didn't need a lecture. "So what should I be expecting next? "Malibu Carter" or maybe "Lifeguard Carter". I could see you with a nice tan and sun glasses..."   
  
"Very funny." He said, but was holding back laughter himself. "I do tan nicely though. Maybe I should have been a lifeguard." He eyed her with a questioning gaze, waiting for her reaction.   
  
"Na, they have to sit in those really tall chairs. Remember the incident with the ladder and the light bulb?"   
  
They both tossed the final soiled garments and began the check list.   
  
"I thought we were never going to speak of that again." Carter said through clenched teeth. Susan just laughed.   
  
"Maybe you thought so, but I never agreed to it." She smiled a devious grin.   
  
"I distinctly remember you and Mark promising..." He stopped when he realized the slip.  
  
Susan frowned. "I forget that he's gone sometimes too."   
  
Carter squeezed her shoulder lightly and proceeded to finish the task at hand. 


	12. Chapter Eleven: The Return of Mother

Lullabies and Nightmares  
Chapter 11: The Return of Mother  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own ER or any of the people in it.  
Authors Note: Once again life got in the way of writing. =( But I think I made up for it with this chapter. I hope you all like it. I didn't know the name of Carters maid (did she even have one?). Anyway I made one up and if somebody out there knows it and can let me know I'd be much obliged. Anyway, enjoy.  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Cause you've got so much to give,   
But you throw it all away.   
And all you've got to show for   
Who you are is pain.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
It was a breezy Sunday morning when the call came in. Carter was still asleep, on the pull out couch since he'd given Rachel his bed. He'd thought about finding a bigger place since he now had Rachel to take care of, but he'd found nothing acceptable to his high standards just yet. That was the problem with growing up in the lap of luxury, nothing is ever good enough.   
  
Abby had gone home for the weekend, promising Rachel and Carter that she would return Monday after her shift was over. A girl could only go so long with the same four outfits, plus her rent was due and the neighbors were starting to get suspicious of the increasing growing pile of newspapers on her doorstep. Because of all of this she'd decided it was time to go home.   
  
Rachel was the first to wake up to the sound of the telephone. She waited two rings, hoping Carter would pick it up. When he didn't, she went to the phone.   
  
"Hello?" She said sleepily.   
"Rachel...honey? Its me...mom."   
  
The world spun off its axis and Rachel's stomach did a flip flop. This was the moment she'd been dreading.   
  
"Hi mom."   
"Rachel are you ok? Craig and I miss you so much." There was a short pause. When Rachel didn't respond Jen continued. "Come home honey. We need you at home."   
  
Rachel closed her eyes and gripped the phone so tight that her knuckles turned white.   
  
/Please wake up Carter.../  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Abby groaned as the sound of knocking woke her from her peaceful slumber. After sleeping on Carter's pull out for the last week, her bed was a nice change. Not that she didn't like being near Carter, although he had insisted on sleeping on the floor. She hadn't argued though. She didn't want to push him into something he didn't want or may not be ready for. Plus, his main concern at the moment was Rachel and finding a way to keep her safe. She didn't want to take his attention away from that.   
  
Once again the loud knocking jolted her from her daydream. Somebody was banging on her door quite loudly. She felt a chill rush through her spine at the remembrance of the incident with Brian. She had to remind herself that he had moved away. That she was safe, right?   
  
Abby pulled on her purple bathrobe and headed out into the living room. The knocking continued as she stifled a yawn and felt her way along the wall. The apartment was bright due to the sunlight peeping in through the blinds, but her eyes had yet to get used to the change. She squinted her way to the door and pulled open the numerous locks that kept the ugliness of the real world outside.   
  
She pulled the door open and caught her breath.   
  
"Mom?"   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Carter tossed and turned in his sleep as the nightmare consumed him. Her could feel her hands touching him, the way she spoke so quietly yet forcefully. The way she made him feel like a disobedient child for not taking his clothes off and letting her do as she pleased.   
  
These dreams haunted him every night. Lately, with Rachel and Abby around, they hadn't occurred as often. He figured it was because the girls distracted him from his own problems and fears. They gave him something other then himself to focus on.   
  
"Please...no...stop..." He heard himself mutter, but she wouldn't stop. She never did. It never ended until she wanted it to end.   
  
He curled himself into a tight ball and choked on his sobs. They weren't loud, just quick intakes of breath and sniffling. This was how he cried. This was how he always cried. If he cried loudly then he would have woken up his mother. She needed her rest. Since Bobby had died she slept a lot. His father had told him that it was just because she needed sleep, that taking care of he and Bobby had exhausted her so much that she needed to catch up on sleep.   
  
Just like any child would, he believed his father.   
  
He felt so dirty. So used. The dream hung onto his subconscious tightly and would not let him go. He pushed and pulled and tried so hard to convince himself that it wasn't really happening. It was all a dream, none of this was real. Lena, the Carter family maid, was gone, and she would never hurt him again.   
  
But she did hurt him everyday. And nobody had ever done a damn thing to stop it. He could feel the rage boil. This was how it always worked. He would drift into an imaginary world while the act occurred. Afterwards, the anger would be so intense he would have to punch his mattress until his fists ached. He was angry at everyone...his father...his mother...himself for letting this happen.   
  
Carter unconsciously clutched the blankets tightly in his fists. He held them so tightly his knuckles grew pale. If he were awake he would have felt the soreness emerge in his fingers and creep up to his arms and elbows.   
  
If he were awake, but the dream still had him tightly. He was still the little brown haired boy trying so hard to cover up the pain of abuse and the rage at his mother for sleeping so much and the guilt over all of it. He just wanted it to end...so bad.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Rachel, did you hear me? Please Rachel, we need you at home." Her mother was begging her. She really wanted her back.   
  
"You mean you and Craig do or just you?"   
  
Jen seemed to gasp in horror at the sudden aggressive comeback.   
  
"Of course Craig does honey. He loves you."   
"Does he? He's not my father. I'll never call him Dad ever!" She said in a slightly louder pitch.   
"Rachel! You can't talk to me like that you're my daughter. I want you to come home this minute. I'm sure Dr. Carter has had enough of you anyway."   
"Shut up mom! Dr. Carter likes having me here, unlike Craig. He hates me."   
"Don't you ever talk about your dad that way Rachel."   
  
Rachel held back tears and clenched her teeth. "He's not my dad. He'll never be my dad. My dad is dead."   
"Craig can be your new dad if you just let him in Rachel..." Jen pleaded once again.   
"I don't want a new dad! I want my real dad back!" This time she did nothing less them scream into the phone. It was a scream loud enough to wake the entire floor of the building. Seconds later, Carter appeared in the bedroom.   
  
"Rachel? What's wrong? Who are you talking to?" Carter stumbled towards her, eyes red and swollen.   
  
Rachel could do nothing but cry as she dropped the phone onto the bed. Carter picked it up and held it to his ear. All he heard was a dial tone.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Abby unconsciously pull her robe more tightly closed as her mother burst into the apartment. The woman was in tears and completely hysterical. She wore nothing more then a small spaghetti strap pajama top and a pair of shorts that were too big for her skeletal frame.   
  
"Abby you have to help me! Please, they're going to find me and take me away. Abby please don't let them take me back that to that terrible place! Abby help your mother!" She screamed.   
  
Abby stood completely silent. It may have looked to the outside world that she was watching her mother, but she wasn't. Behind her dull brown eyes flashed memories of her childhood, of life with a bipolar mother and the many times she had been in this same situation. She kept the tears back and just let the old repressed anger surface.   
  
"What are you doing here mom?" She asked calmly yet harshly. She stood completely still while her mother paced back and forth obsessively.   
  
"Abby I need your help! Please help me oh God Abby!" The woman sobbed and covered her face with frail hands.   
  
When Abby regained her ability to move she walked over to her couch. She sat down and faced the blank tv screen. In the background she could hear her mother, still screaming and crying. But when she focused on the blank tv screen, she could pretend it wasn't there at all. That it was all just a bad dream. Just another bad dream.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Carters dream progressed to his mother, barely even looking at him as they sat down for dinner. The maid served the food, throwing uncomfortable stares at the young Carter every chance she got. He then tried talking to his mother.   
  
"Mom, are you alright? I'm sorry I made you tired." He apologized. The woman looked up, tears in her eyes, and met his own eyes for just a moment. She then looked back down at her plate of untouched food and quietly and abruptly left the table.   
  
Carter stared at the retreating form and hung his head low. He'd hurt her again. Maybe he deserved the pain he got. Just then, the maid leaned down and put her lips to his ear.  
  
"See what you've done John...you're going to have to be punished later."   
  
Carter jumped up when he heard a loud scream. It took him a moment to register that it was Rachel's voice. He untangled himself from the blankets and ran towards the bedroom.   
  
When he got there he found the girl curled up on the bed crying. She held the phone in her hand, but it wasn't even close to her ear.   
  
"Rachel? What's wrong? Who are you talking to?" She didn't answer him though. He gently took the phone from her limp fingers and held it to his ear. He heard nothing but the click of the hang up and the dial tone.   
  
Looking at the mess of a girl before him, he didn't dare delve anymore into this right now. He just took her in his arms and rocked her, making soothing noises like he would to a crying baby. Once she calmed down, he would ask her what had brought this on and who the mystery person was on the other end of the phone.   
  
  
TBC 


End file.
